This is the Shiznit!!!

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a loooooong time. Via Danasdirt

Gizoogle - fo all you beotches who want to find shiznit!

Check out my blog after it's been Gizoogled y'all! Link

Personally, I think the news sounds better this way. Maybe.

Have fun! Link

Bits and Pieces

• Why didn't he move out of the country like he said he was going to do? Now we have to deal with this?
• I love penguins and this movie is suppose to be so good! Link
  
• If you have $100,000 bucks lying around...you can have this! What a moron.
  
• Yikes! look at the size of this shark! Link
  
• These bitches are riding in style!
  
• Ouch! Thank goodness she's okay!
  
• If I do what Diane Lane does...then maybe Wednesday won't be quite as bad as I am thinking.
  
• Embarrasing
  
• If I was Arab...this is exactly who I would choose as a spokesperson. WTF?
  
• Blah, blah, blah. I don't give a crap about your problems. Peter Forsberg better be on that ice in an Av's jersey so help me God!
• Whoops! Not what you'd want to see at a hurricane shelter! Or on CNN, etc.

What a Tough Life

Being a not so famous actor is really hard work. Nash Bridges just about killed him he said. I never even watched one episode. Whatever.

Don Johnson was all set to retire but changed his mind. He said his wife reminded him that they have five children. I guess that meant "get your ass back to work!"

Actually, I could care less about him retiring or not. Just love the "blind items". Hmmm, wonder if this is true? Looks like he needed another opinion.

Hanoing Jane

Hey, Jane Fonda is blowing kisses to our troops. What a peach!

Actually, Ms. Fonda is at it again. First she's the reason VCR's were invented and now she's going on another anti-war crusade. She needs to get back together with Ted Turner. Bitch has too much free time on her hands.

"I have not taken a stand on any war since Vietnam," she said. "I carry a lot of baggage from that."

From that statement...you'd think she learned some valuable lessons. Guess not. I think I was fine with her keeping her mouth shut. Oh well.

Bits and Pieces

• Mike Tyson wants to do Porn? I can't get the vision out of my head! Ahhhh!
• Al Pacino is dating Rose McGowan? wtf?
• Whatever...nobody knows what the hell to call you half the time anyway!
• Looks like someone's career has tanked.
• Big J is chatting with fans on the Rescue Me message board. Sounds like a cool guy and is answering everyone's questions. My favorite was when he said the shotgun blast from last night's episode was his idea. They said "you can't shoot a shotgun one-handed...It'll blow your arm off!". He said "I know I can't...but Jesus CAN!"
• A company has started selling Rescue Me T-shirts with some proceeds going to The Leary Firefighters Foundation. I want "Tommy's Twunt". Link
• Beam me up, Scotty! Actor, James Doohan from Star Trek has died at age 85 and he is headed back to space on another journey. Link

Well Color Me Surprised!

This bitch isn't as stupid as I thought.

I really have been giving all of the Hilton's a bad rap. And, now I feel kinda bad about it. I mean it goes without saying that Paris is the biggest piece of trash, idiot on the planet. That's pretty much undisputed information. If you need a reminder of that you can go here.Socialiteslife

However, I really thought Ma Hilton had to be a complete idiot for always sticking up for her daughters and saying there the nicest, sweetest, classiest, blah, blah, blah. Who the hell does she think she's talking about?

At any rate...Ma Hilton is right on the money with this comment:

"This show fucking sucks"

She is of course referring to her wonderful show "I want to be a Hilton". realityblurred

I bet they did!

Gotta love the Brits and their gossip.

Butterscotch Stallion Rides Again

No literally. Who would want to go out with this guy anyway? Especially if you know why he is nicknamed "Butterscotch Stallion". Well, I won't get into what other nickname he has because of his nose. Just use your imagination.

It seems that his new nickname, from Defamer, has hit the main stream media. It also appears that he has a extra young girlfriend and that maybe his "fame" is going to his head.

That's okay with me. I'll take Vince Vaughn any day of the week over this guy! Yuck!

Getting Married...Again!!!

Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are going to tie the knot for the third time. I'm sure this will be a whole lot better then the first two times. All that physical abuse and drug and alcohol abuse is a thing of the past. After the first or second one...I can't remember which.

You had Tommy hanging out with scummy Tara Reid, which she told him "she'd have to think about it" when he proposed to her. To get dumped by Tara Reid...is there anything lower than that? Meanwhile,Pammy is hanging out at parties peeing herself and romping around on mattresses with Amanda "famous tranny" Lapore.

Maybe they are better off together. We will have to see.

Bits and Pieces

• How about a "feel good" movie that HASN'T been don yet? ET again?
• Colin Farell is trying to stop a sex tape from emerging. Colin you weren't this shy when all the news was spreading about you and the tranny in Miami.
• Jude Law is in a little hot water with his fiance. It's like a made for Lifetime movie or something. Do the nanny's always end up sleeping with the man? (superficial) Apparently, Jude Law is no stranger to kinky stuff. And, to think all this time I was convinced he was gay. (sun)
• The fight to play Liberace. Okay.
• Snap!
• Yawn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
• Why do these people need to get married over and over again? On another note, watch what you do at your bachelor/bachelorette party. (pagesix)

Ahhh...The weekend at last

Have a great weekend everybody! Time to realax and enjoy!

CAPTION THIS!

New Farrah Fawcett Poster

Plastic surgery is getting a little out of control and NOT helping. Eek! [Gallery of the Absurd]

Bits and Pieces

• I'm confused. He starred in The Wall, and he hates their music?
• This man is afraid of clowns?
• Didn't he learn anything the whole time he was dressed up like a cop with the Village People?
• Eminem's tour bus crashed and apparently he's ready to retire?
• Osama's neice is forced to change her name. Link Maybe we can call her "the artist formerly known as the neice of the asshole who blew us up on September, 11th" Nah, that's a little long.
• Maybe this is because Tom Cruise was always the "ladylike"one in the family.
• Don't forget to set your tivo's Monday! Ballbreakers
• Tom Cruise Scientology Center. Liquidgeneration
• Not that I'm getting married any time soon...or anything. But, I would really appreciate it if Owen Wilson DID NOT crash my wedding. Story Hey, at least he admit's it. More to the whole "Butterscotch Stallion" nickname and the rest here.

No...I Can't Handle Your Truth

Well, if you can't get enough of Britney Spears, then today is your lucky day. If you missed any of their great reality show, Chaotic, they are going to do a sequel of sorts. I caught 3 minutes in episode 2...and then I had this bad intestinal thing happen. Don't ask.

Anyway, for the second version of the "Can you handle our truth?' campaign we will have the pleasure of viewing Britney Spears vagina up close and personal while she gives birth. Yep, it's true y'all. For an added bonus her husband will be in the delivery room coaching her on and undoubtedly wearing the one and only pit stained wife beater shirt he owns.

Oh, rumor has it that she's having twins! Double you viewing pleasure!

Now I need to go look at some pictures of unicorns and rainbows.

Want Rock Hard Abs?

You don't have to cut carbs and hit the gym. All you have to do is have your make-up artist paint them on. Mariah Carey is a friggin train wreck. Source

First the fake ab thing and then her sister gets arrested for prostitution...again. Then when she was performing in Germany this past week she had a wardrobe malfunction. Oops!

To top it all off, she seems a little delusional about why her movie "Glitter" sucked so bad. Superficial

CAPTION THIS!

HELL TO THE NO!!!

Being Bobby Brown is on all night on Bravo tonight. If anyone is interested in mindless television, this is for you. Unless of course the Village People are in town...then I would recommend that.

This guy REALLY likes this show. Link

Here You Go

Here we have Anna Nicole Smith acting like a complete moron...big surprise.

For something completely different she appears to be shitfaced, out of control, jumping in and out of a kiddie pool, while simultaneously having sex with the floor. Actually, nothing new here at all.

It appears some nice person is trying to give her a hand and help her up, right before the guy behind her takes HIS shirt off. Thank goodness for that.

We owe it all to Trimspa baby! That's actually coke for all you newbies. Just say no!

Oh, and your welcome. I hope this didn't burn up anyone's retinas. {ONTD}

Sorry Katie...your Stuck Now!

Well, looks like all the efforts to "Free Katie" didn't work. She's a gonner. The 16 days where none of her family or friends knew of her whereabouts definitely left a mark on her. She was completely brainwashed by those Scientologist freaks. She's like a zombie and has to ALWAYS be with her "Scientology minder" aka "my new best friend. WTF? She has a very limited vocabulary that shes uses in EVERY interview.

Although, in the first pic it looks like she is making an attempt to strangle him. Her "minder" Rebecca must be talking her out of it. Tom's begging with Rebecca to put her back into her robotic mode.

From W Magazine
"Meeting Tom—I'm just exhilarated. He makes me laugh, we have fun, we understand each other, everything is so aligned. I feel so lucky and so—like I've been given such a gift, such a gift, you know?" She pauses. "And it's just really amazing."

And

As if that weren't already perfectly clear, just then a security guard lumbers into the dressing room and presents Holmes with a giant silver box tied in a thick purple ribbon. A small crowd gathers to watch her gleefully tear open the package and pluck out a Chanel diamond necklace—a gift, naturally, from Cruise. "He's my man! He's my man!" she screams, then jumps up on her chair to do an impression of her fiancé's now-famous sofa shtick from Oprah.

People begin to cheer. "This is your moment!" cries the manicurist.

"I can do splits too," Holmes says, jumping down and splaying herself across the floor. On that note, I suggest, we should probably get the photo shoot started.

"On that note," she replies, "I love him."

The rest of the nausea inducing article from W here.
An equally hilarious and also sickening article here.

Now...this is a Sequel!

This is one sequel I cannot wait for. I've seen Clerks over 100 times and it's just the best.

Kevin Smith is preparing to bring his "Clerks" characters back to the big screen with the sequel, "The Passion of the Clerks." Production on the follow-up film began in January 2005.

Smith wrote the screenplay, which will reunite "Clerks" stars Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson. The film will also feature a reappearance of Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith).

Smith told Variety that working on the "Clerks" DVD provided the inspiration for "The Passion of the Clerks." "It reminded me why I got into the film biz in the first place: to make talky, low-budget comedies. So I wrote this script about the older and not-so wiser Dante and Randal, as they try to deal with a decade of further disillusionment, even less sex and eroding pop culture," said Smith.

SOURCE: Variety via {ONTD}

Emmy Nominations

Good news for Kiefer and 24. Both were nominated for emmy's. Supporting cast got snubbed again. I really thought they would nominate Shoreh Aglashdoo for best supporting actress.

I'm really surprised that Rescue Me didn't get into the mix too. CSI got nada. That was surprising. Emmys will be live Sunday September 18, 2005. link

Bye Wil

Oh what a drag. I must not be a very good judge of talent or I was just swooning way too much. I think he will be okay in the long run though. I'm sure of it.

Looks like I won't be the one asked to replace Paula on American Idol either. They've asked Whitney Houston to fill that spot. Like that show didn't suck bad enough already. "HELL TO THE NO!" as crazy Whitney would say. Whatever that means. story

Tuesday Night's Rock!

Rescue Me was the funniest episode ever. I was in tears almost the entire episode. I can't get enough of this show. I don't want to spoil it for anyone but the whole cat thing just about killed me!

For those who are watching Rock Star: INXS, all of them rock! I was particular to Wil but he was a little flat last night. They told him to lay off the "seducing all of the women" in the crowd thing...and he did. Huge mistake! That is what all the chicks were digging about him. Oh, and he can sing too. This is going to be a tough competition.

Still Not Enough Proof

In order to put aside all those terrible rumors regarding drugs and puking and stuff...we need to actually see the girl eat something.

After further review of this photo, it appears that there is nothing on that fork. If anything there might have been a small piece of lettuce, but I can't make it out.

Developing.

HOLY !@%*&

Wow, this site really freaked me out. Joseph Edward Duncan III, the man that kidnapped and raped Shasta and Dylan Groene has his own blog. There are some freaky, crazy postings from this guy regarding "demons" and "the bogeyman". His last post was May 13th just 3 days before he went on a rampage and murdered 3 people and kidnapped those two kids. The comments section is very disturbing. Quite a few people were just telling him to believe in the Lord, etc. There are so many things wrong with this stuff I don't even know where to begin. How and why are these people released back into society to do this AGAIN AND AGAIN? Argh!!!What a sick twisted freak. Why didn't someone turn him in? Gah! story

"As an adult all I knew was the oppression of incarceration. All those years I dreamed of getting out...And getting even. Instead, I got out and I got even, but did not get caught. So, I got even again, and again did not get caught. So, I figured, well, I got even twice (actually more, but that's here nor there), even if I'm the only one who knows, so now what?"

We owe it all to Jane

Good Grief

The 67-year-old, who launched her fat-burning phenomenon in 1982, credits herself for the success of playback culture, as, she claims, no one had reason to own a video player until her workouts came along. story

Thanks so much Jane for being the sole reason for the advancement of modern technology. I for one am going to sit down and write you a thank you note. I have no idea what I would do without my 24 DVD sets and the Sopranos. Should I thank you for Tivo too? Just wandering.

I'm pretty bad at thank you notes though Jane. It may take awhile considering I still haven't written and thanked Al Gore for inventing the internet.

Don't Forget Your Sunscreen

I think the little kids expression says it all. I have to go pour bleach in my eyes now.

Remakes and Sequels...again

Well, I didn't think it could get much worse than a "Breakfast club" sequel, which I mentioned yesterday. But, I was wrong...of course. I'll just throw out the ones mentioned today.
GAWD!!! Most of these movies shouldn't have even been made the FIRST time.

• Summer School wtf?
• Hollow Man 2, Road House 2 and I still remember what you did last summer 3. Link
• So what if the main character died and he won an Oscar. Let's do a sequel anyway. Link

Can't anyone come up with an original idea any more???

Update:

Add the Usual Suspects to the list. Link

Bits and Pieces

• Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory premiered on Friday. It has been rumored that Depp's performance was inspired by Michael Jackson? Talk about scaring all the children. You can view a few short animations of Tim Burtons...Stain Boy here.
• First they are making a sequel to "Sixteen Candles" and now THIS. When is it going to end? Is John Hughes really involved with all of this? People are getting desperate!
• Something tells me I won't be getting rich this way.
• Isn't Pamela Anderson synonymous with tasteless? What the hell is she talking about? You can view the pics here.
• Paris Hilton can barely read. How was she able to use the word dispensation in a flippin sentence? Her dog Tinkerbell must have helped her out with that one. Why shouldn't she be able to get married at Westminster Abbey like all the British Royals? Idiot DJ's version of her written letter is hilarious.

Flashback

For those of you who were into the whole "80's" thing, RockStar: INXS premieres tonight on CBS. This is way more up may alley than American Idol.

CAPTION THIS!

Catching ALOT of Air

"I was aware of the dangers and my heart was pumping in my chest the whole time, but I managed to pull it off with the help of my team, and I'm honored to have my visions embraced by the people of China," Way said in a statement.
{yahoo}

Ahhh...The weekend at last

It's time to relax and enjoy. Have a great weekend everybody!

Discontinue Spankings...wha?

Strippers arrested for spanking, bruising man on his birthday

JACKSONVILLE, Ark. (AP) - Three strippers have been arrested for allegedly spanking a truck driver at his birthday bash and severely bruising his backside.

The three women have been charged with misdemeanor battery. Authorities in Jacksonville, Arkansas, say the trucker was handcuffed and spanked with a three-foot-long paddle and a belt while one of the strippers restrained his head. Officials say the man's friends paid $25 dollars for the spanking. Investigators say the club has agreed to discontinue all spankings.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Maybe he DESERVED to be spanked. Didn't anyone think about that? What is this world coming to?

Kiefer, Kiefer, Kiefer

I could have gone the rest of my whole life without having viewed this atrocity. Too late now. I'll just have to live with it. I guess even the most perfect people aren't perfect ALL the time.

For example, Kiefer only has a few more weeks off before 24 begins filming Season 5. So, he's taking a little time to enjoy himself. He doesn't look all that great ripped out of his mind. He needed to use a higher SPF sunscreen too, but....what the hell.

The caption reads "Is Kiefer smoking for two?"

I guess so. He clearly has a cig in each hand. Not the prettiest sight in the world. But, I'd give anything to get my hands on that flower!

It Worked!

"The world spoke and the politicians listened"U2 frontman says.
more

Yeehaw Y'all

As usual I had to work and I missed out. I always miss all this fun stuff. These rednecks sure know how to have a good time. Suuuuueeeee!!!

EAST DUBLIN, Ga. Jul 2, 2005 — In his garage, Melvin Davis keeps 230 trophies he's won racing motorcycles, go-karts and pickup trucks. But he's best known for a sport that earned him four trophies topped with crushed Bud Lite cans.

"Yeah, looking back on it I'm proud. But when I done it I felt a little silly," said Davis, 68. "People were going, `There's the bobbing-for-pigs-feet champion!'"

Bobbing for pig feet, the mudpit belly-flop, the armpit serenade they're all part of the Redneck Games, a series of good ole'ympic events for the ain't-so-athletic celebrating their 10th year in middle Georgia.

Started as a Southern-fried spoof of the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, with a propane torch lighting a ceremonial barbecue grill, the gag games draw tourists like moths to a backyard bug-zapper.

Kim is in a Real Mess Now

Kim, Kim, Kim.
Well, we all know how much trouble Kim would get into every single hour on 24...but Elisha has it together. I thought.

Now, I'm pretty sure my girl Elisha isn't so strapped for cash that she needs to do this crap for money...but you never know. Either some call girl looks EXACTLY like her or they are using her photo without her permission. On that note here is a to do/don't list for my friend Jay who will be in Vegas for a few weeks:

1. Please do NOT call the number...even though it offers a money back gaurantee. Trust me on this one. Plus, I know what you are thinking.
2. Grab some of these off the strip and bring them home. You never know...they could become collectors items. You know how crazy some of those 24 fans are. PLEASE!

Via Defamer
Attention all visitors to Las Vegas: While you may have concerns about Elisha Cuthbert’s career trajectory following House of Wax, it’s highly unlikely that she’s going to come to your room at the Palms for $47 to “run lines,” no matter what this escort handbill seems to promise. (Scans submitted by a reader fresh off a Vegas trip.)
story

Right Back Atcha

Wow, Madonna...nice. Once again proving money cannot buy class. What a lovely gesture to make at a Charity concert. Biatch!

I know WAY more than you

No, really. I wasn't hynotized. I swear.

Poor Katie
Dr. Tom, are you sure those are vitamins your giving to her dumb ass? She looks crazed!

I don't think Katie REALLY understood what she was getting herself into with this contract...uh...I mean intensely loving relationship. Between all of the e-meters and crazy Tom jumping off and on furniture, I think Katie is a little overwhelmed.

I thought Scientology was suppose to RID you of all those pesky little aliens from millions of years ago. By the looks of these pictures...I don't think it's working. It's a good thing she has her new cult...I mean girlfriend with her at ALL times. Just in case she can't remember her name...or what not. more

I may not know the history of Psychiatry like Dr. Tom Cruise does, but I DO know the history of dumb bitches in horrid ridiculous relationships with idiot men! Is there a Diploma for that? Anyway Katie, when your ready to come back to reality let me know.



UPDATE:
On a related note. Could someone be getting "cold feet"? Or, maybe just realized he's...urgh...whacked. I'll leave it at that. source

FREE KATIE!!!

Maybe the campaign is working after all. http://www.freekatie.net/

Hmmm...

I've been waiting months for my test results. What the...

Bastards!

My prayers go out to all our friends in the UK. God Bless.

Live 8

For those of you that missed Live 8, there were some amazing performances. Of course, I'm partial to Pink Floyd and I really want to see U2's entire set.

Apparently, MTV got a bunch of heat about all the commercials and blabbing going on during the performances. They are running the concerts again completely commercial free. story

You can watch ALL of the individual performances around the world via http://www.sonician.com/live8/list.html

Just sign the list!

It's Time to Bust Some Balls!!!

For all of my Pool Playin' friends. Set your Tivo's!

Ballbreakers

The Good News is...

Britney Spears has decided NOT to pose pregnant and nude for Vanity Fair magazine. However, the good folks at Gallery of the Absurd have provided a fabulous version of what we are "greatfully" missing.

[Gallery of the Absurd]