Who Pissed Off Sylvester Stallone?

It wasn't bad enough that he's making Rocky #734...now another Rambo! WTF? Isn't he like 80 years old now? Why is he torturing us like this? Let me guess what's next...the sequel to "Stop or my mom will shoot"? Maybe he will cast his real mom in that. Oh, the horror!

zap2it

Today's Humor

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol a tall. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!:
"
Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!

Love,Jillian

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins .38
Saying the right thing, at the right time ...Priceless!!!

Thoughts and Prayers for "House"

One of our favorite and much loved Bronco players was in a horrific car accident yesterday morning on his way to practice. Dwanye Carswell, known as "House" by his teammates, was severely injured and is in Intensive Care. All of our thoughts are with him now.

It just goes to show how precious life is. One minute your driving to work and the next minute some moron does something stupid that almost gets someone or many people killed.

Carswell suffered multiple injuries in the crash: a contusion of his entire left internal cavity, multiple rib fractures, a ruptured diaphragm and a ruptured spleen. He underwent surgery to remove his spleen and repair the organ damage shortly thereafter, and the procedure was complete by 1:30 p.m. MDT. DenverBroncos

Carswell's 1994 Chevy Caprice was crumpled with part of the driver's severely damaged. He was the most seriously injured of the people involved in the accident.

Rescue workers used the Jaws of Life to remove Carswell from his car.

"The surgery went as well as it could possibly go," said Coach Mike Shanahan. He said Carswell won't be allowed any visitors for the next 24 and possibly 48 hours.

Broncos Head Coach Mike Shanahan addressed the team about Carswell's situation before practice. He is expected to talk with reporters Friday afternoon.

"You just pray for the best. That's all you can do now," offensive lineman George Foster said. "Football is secondary."

"The point is, somebody else is in need and in a grave condition," fullback Kyle Johnson said. "You want to focus on that and make sure that the person gets the attention that he needs."

"Your hearts and thoughts are certainly with your buddy," said safety John Lynch.
9news.com

Game Four

It's been a great series so far. I would hate to see it end so soon. As much as it killed me to stay up so late last night, it was nothing compared to what all the Astros and Sox fans went through. They probably didn't even get to bed until 3:00 a.m. and were probably nursing a pretty good hangover today. No need to worry though, you'll start drinking again tonight and wake up with another hangover tomorrow. A bad one too.

Picture from Houstonchronicle.

Meet Gibson

A 3-year-old Great Dane in Sacramento, Calif., has been named the world's tallest dog by Guinness Book of World Records.

The award-winning dog, named Gibson, stands 7 feet tall when upright, according to the report. He was officially named the planet's tallest dog Tuesday by officials with Guinness who flew to California from England to see Gibson.

Gibson's owner, Sandy Hall, said she never dreamed Gibson would turn out to be the planet's tallest dog. She said the dog is a gift.

He is so beautiful. Gibson would just tower over my Dane. I think of my big guy as a gift too.

I wonder how many times she's heard "that's not a dog...it's a horse." Yeah, that's real funny, and original too.

Source

Today's Humor

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful. "Holy shit," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriends whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher."

24 Season 5 Teaser

I don't know how I missed this last night when I was watching the damn baseball game until 1:00 this morning, hoping and praying for the Astro's to get that win. Anyway, thanks to Rina and Gina for getting this up so fast. January couldn't get here quick enough!

teaser

Tonya Harding Will Beat Your Ass

She looks quite frightening...if I do say so myself. I guess since her minor stint as a professional boxer fell apart, Tonya Harding decided to beat up on her boyfriend. She has quite an imagination. White trash lives!

Man Arrested After Tonya Harding Run-In 2 hours, 55 minutes ago VANCOUVER, Wash. - Tonya Harding tussled in her home with a man she described as her boyfriend, prompting an emergency call by the figure skater-turned-boxer and an arrest of the man.

Christopher Nolan was charged with assault and pleaded not guilty Monday. He told deputies Harding threw him down and bit his finger when he said she had too much to drink on Sunday. The 27-year-old Nolan was ordered to stay away from Harding and to avoid alcohol.

Harding had a small cut over her right eye and an abrasion on her left cheek.

Initially, Harding called 911 and said she was attacked by two masked men who came to her home and assaulted her before she could escape.

Nolan said he and Harding were roommates. The 34-year-old Harding was banned for life from competitive figure skating after her former husband hired a hitman to club rival Nancy Kerrigan with a baton as Kerrigan left the ice during practice at the 1994 U.S. championships in Detroit. The attack prevented Kerrigan from competing, but she recovered to win a silver medal at the 1994 Olympics weeks later. Harding finished out of the running.

More recently, Harding has tried her hand at pro boxing to mixed reviews.

yahoo

A Touching Story

Touching Story.....about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the ten dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those useless cocksuckers at Home Depot ever bring us the fucking drywall."

Good Girls don't have to finish last

Actress Jennifer Aniston (L) presents a Hollywood Breakthrough Acting Award to Jake Gyllenhaal (R) during the 9th Annual Hollywood Film Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on October 24, 2005 in Beverly Hills, California.

They look adorable and they definitely still have the chemistry they had in "The Good Girl". I absolutely loved that movie!

They would make a great couple, however, things are getting hot and heavy with Jen and Vince Vaughn. He apparently wants her to dump Hollywood and move to Chicago with him.

And, in yet another attempt to not hurt his ex-wife's feelings...Brad Pitt wants to pose on a magazine cover with Angelina...naked.

Paris Hilton Lies Again

In case you haven't heard, "Saving Private Ryan" star Tom Sizemore is putting out a sex tape. I know...it's a ugly visual, but bear with me. During an interview on the DVD, he discusses a little sex romp he had with Paris Hilton when she was 19.

Of course she came out publicly and denied, denied, denied this crap all over the press. Which not a single person believed was even her statement because it was too articulate and the words were way to big for Paris Hilton to use...much less understand.

Hilton says no such thing happened. “It’s disappointing that Mr. Sizemore has to use my name to sell his DVDs,” she told The Scoop in a statement issued through her spokesman. “He is not an acquaintance of mine nor have I ever had intimate relations with him.”

That being said please enjoy this photo of Tom Sizemore and Paris Hilton whacked out on drugs and alcohol, though she has never "made his acquaintance." She is currently busy stealing other people's boyfriends and is unable to comment at this time.

savingface

Rosa Parks 1913-2005

"I would like to be known as a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people," said Rosa Parks on the occasion of her 77th birthday. And so she is.

msnbc

24 Season 5 Filming

I didn't want to post anything spoilerish. Just a little taste. I love me a little Jack Bauer fix every now and then. It's been hard to get motivated and get to work on Monday mornings because of feeling like crap...still...and having Season 2 start up on A&E first thing in this morning.

Source

Buy it now for $36,000.00!

Someone is selling Angelina Jolie's supposed hairbrush on ebay for the super low price of $36,000.00. You need to know that she really, really, really didn't want to though.

I was given this brush as a gift by my cousin because she knows how much I LOVE Angelina Jolie!!!

This brush was accidentally left on the vanity table in Angelina's dressing trailer, it was the only item that was forgotten (Angelina was filming The Good Shepherd in New York in August 2005).

Angelina was SEEN using THIS BRUSH before she left her trailer!!!! I'm assuming that this was one of Angelina's favorite hairbrushes because it looks like it was used often, there are cracks on the back (and front) of the brush and there is some kind of colouring on the back, I"m not exactly sure what it is.... this brush came directly out of Angelina's trailer (my cousin was responsible for cleaning).

Anyhow, I took a piece of hair out of the brush and put it into my album for safe keeping (there is hair still in the brush!!!) I am only selling this item because I really don't have a choice ~ otherwise I would NEVER EVER sell it. So, I figured I would sell on e-bay, hopefully to someone who can appreciate this item as much as I do. Honestly, you can't get much closer to a person than this.

God Bless, Good Luck & Happy Bidding!!!

ebay

Bits and Pieces

• Thank God this didn't happen!
  
• Paris Hilton is dating Brandon Davis. WTF?
  
• Dumb and dumber...indeed.
  
• Katie Holmes talks about how "amazing" everything is few hundred more times. Story
  
• Vince and Jen getting serious. Loves it!
  
• Even Val Kilmer thought "Top Gun" was a gay movie.
  
• Rat Monster is way too funny!
  
• Brad and Angie have some steamy phone conversations.

You don't see this everyday

Sumo wrestlers, dressed in their traditional Mawashia, cross Seventh Avenue in New York, on their way to a 'weigh-in', October 20, 2005. They are participating in the 'World S.U.M.O. Challenge - Battle of the Giants' at New York's Madison Square Garden on October 22, 2005. (Seth Wenig REUTERS/Reuters) Yahoo

And as bizarre as that may appear...this is what immediately came to mind. Maybe it's time for me to go have a drink.

Ken and Barbie Together Again

It must be a really slow time for couple's gossip. In a desperate attempt to get into the mix with Tomkat, Brangelina and Vanniston...it's time for Karbie. They are going to give Ken a makeover and reunite him with his one true love...Barbie.

After looking at this picture, I think there's a reason why Barbie left Ken in the first place. Dare I say he looks slightly on the feminine side. The 2002 Ken was just about ready to come out of the closet. It would appear to me that Ken just wants his beard back.

foxnews

That Goofy Salvador

MacGRAW 'APPALLED' BY DALI

ALI MacGRAW was horrified when artist SALVADOR DALI sent her an iguana wearing pearls as an apology for sucking her toes during a portrait sitting.

The LOVE STORY actress was never a fan of the painter but was complimented when he singled her out for his work.

She says, "I was an ego-saturated idiot blinded by the thought of being a muse.

"The sitting was a disaster, with Dali alternating between sucking my toes and disappearing behind his canvas for ages. Eventually I gave up on it.

"Dali sent me a bunch of rare orchids and an iguana with a bunch of imitation pearls around its tail. It was characteristically surreal, but I was appalled at the cruelty."

That is some funny and crazy shit. I couldn't figure out what she was appalled by at first. I would have been appalled when Dali started sucking on my toes. But, that's just me. I can't get that vision out of my head. Not to mention trying to imagine the meaning of the pearls around the iguana's tail. It had to have some super intense significance to Dali, but hell if I know.

And to think, just last night, I was tearing through my huge Dali book frantically searching for this one painting of his. I saw it at the Dali show in Venice last year and it is titled "fried egg on a plate without the plate". I burst out into hysterical laughter inside the crowded museum. I was the only one laughing.

contactmusic

3-D Chalk Art

The artists name is Julian Beever. His work is awesome. The Coke bottle is just mind boggling!

You can see all of his art here.

jjb

Must Have Item!

tshirthell

Angelina vs. Gollum

gossiprocks

I said what?

Breaking News

Apparently, our favorite drunken jackass, Tara Reid has announced that she is quitting drinking.

That is pretty selfish and is no fun for the rest of us. I enjoy getting my daily dose of "what Tara Reid did last night in a drunken stuper", every day.

However, on a positive note, I believe she was shitfaced drunk when she made this statement so I really wouldn't believe it just yet.

Developing...

Perez

Engaged

Yahoo

Someone needs to stop Madonna!

Someone needs to put a stop to this madness before it's too late. This has been a long week for Madonna, Madge, Esther, whatever.

First she starts shooting her mouth off about this world being the evil beast and all priests are gay, blah, blah, blah.

Then we find out she makes Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest look like an angel.

The former material girl told Newsweek that she doesn't let her children watch TV or look at magazines. She says milk and ice cream are also off-limits.

"When Daddy gets home, they get chocolate,"

Madonna said. "I'm the disciplinarian."She's also strict about laundry duties: If Lourdes leaves dirty clothes on the floor, "we take all of her clothes and put them in a bag, and she has to earn all of her clothes back by being tidy," Madonna said. "She wears the same outfit every day to school until she learns her lesson."

Okay, so that's all crazy and stuff, but I refuse to let her bring back Disco and my damn hairstyle from 1976 with the weinie rolls. Egads! I'm totally flashing back to the super big comb I carried around in school and the can of Aquanet in my locker. Someone please do not let this turn into a fad...again.


Yahoo

I'd rather see David Copperfield pull a rabbit out of his ass

David Copperfield says he is going to impregnate a girl onstage without even touching her. The only thing positive about this is it will explain how Katie Holmes got pregnant.

He said: "Bull s**t! There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. In my next show I'm going to make a girl pregnant on stage."

He added: "Naturally it will be without sex. Everyone will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more."

What happened to plain old fashioned sex and conceiving children the "natural" way. Isn't that a bunch more fun too? I'm confused as hell.

Of course, it will be without sex. I know I've been out of the loop for awhile, but when did gay men impregnating women, without even touching them, become the newest trend? First of all Tommy Cruise, now this? WTF?

Source

Get the hell out of Florida

Good grief! Get the hell out of there now. You just know those people in the Keys are going to "ride it out"...again. There's some pretty kooky people there. Hope there's something left after this bitch gets done. Mother Nature is really pissed off at us!

More.

Back from the dead

I'm feeling much better today. I had a slight case of the bird flu mixed with Ecoli or Ebola or something. I was pretty grumpy. I think I coughed up one of my kidneys, but I heard you really only need one...so I'm not to worried about it.

That being said, I will try and get caught up now.

Bits and Pieces

• Stallone must be short on cash. Is Rocky #34,534 really necessary? And, with Mr. T to boot?
  
• Tommy Lee catches on fire during a show and his ex-wife Pammy thinks he looks like a burnt up cartoon character. WTF?
  
• Dakota Fanning is spoiled rotten.
  
• Keith Richards sucks!
  
• I hope I don't ever get on of these bracelets
  
• Today's dumbass award goes to...
  
• This idiot had myself and a few hundred other people in stitches this morning.

Michael Corleone and the Scientologist

Hollywood's biggest living legend, Al Pacino, apparently has a new lady in his life. The woman is none other than former Cheers star, Kirsty Alley.

According to America;' Star magazine, they were spotted huddled together on what looked like a date".

Sky

A Message from the Webmaster

Gah! O.K. guys I have had the worst time today loading pictures and crap. Argh. I was unable to credit gossiprocks for the "When They Were Young" pictures. Everytime I would type a word, it would delete all the pictures that took me 10 times a piece to upload. I think it's okay now so I can continue to post mindless crap for your enjoyment.

Nope, it's not. As I am typing this it's doing the same damn thing. I'll keep trying and then I'm going to the bar.

Sorry,
Evie

The "Real" Movie Posters

They had one of the best Photoshop contests today at Fark. The idea was to redesign movie posters to represent the movie more accurately. Very clever stuff! These were some of my favorites. You can see them all here.

Mr_bastard

jaylight2003

HBF

deadzone

Akbarknowsbest

When They Were Young

Bjork WTF?

Holy hell this woman needs a stylist.

Brad Who?

While everyone is going on and on about how depressed Jennifer Aniston is over Brad Pitt, she is getting it on with Vince Vaughn. Go girl. He is soooo money!

Jen & Vince Get Hot & Heavy

They're back: Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn were spotted this week in Chicago in more than just a friendly embrace. On Tuesday night, the pair were seen dancing, eyes locked, before kissing and making out as bodyguards shooed the crowd away, PEOPLE reports in its upcoming issue. Earlier in the evening Aniston, 36, showed up at the Vic Theatre, where Vaughn, 35, brought his Wild West Comedy Show tour. During the performance, Aniston watched from the balcony. (She also caught his show Sept. 16 in Oxnard, Calif., after they filmed the comedy The Break Up this summer.)

People via ONTD.

Jake Plummer

Okay, I can get just as confused as the next person and sometimes it comes pretty easy to me. However, I was sure I was losing my mind when I ran into this little tidbit. MSNBC was mentioning a little Jake Plummer scoop right there alongside Britney Speers and Johnny Depp. That alone made me wonder what the hell was going on before I even read it. It goes on to discuss a petition that is out for Jake Plummer to please...for the love of God...grow back the moustache he shaved off. I know for a fact that late Sunday night I was watching "Bronco Talk" and Jake was sitting there all hot and looking like a member of a grunge band or something. Full beard, long hair and all. But, did he shave his moustache and leave the beard? I don't think so.

Hundreds of Jake Plummer fans have signed a petition urging the Broncos quarterback to re-grow the moustache he recently shaved off. “Two hurricanes, rising gas prices and political divisiveness have torn our country apart,” pleaded the petition writer. “With your mustache, maybe we can begin the long process of healing. Without it, Jake, we as a society are doomed.”

That being said, while I was searching a little more...I found out that he had a charity event on Monday night and looked like "Grizzly Adams" according to one journalist. The other little tidbit of info is that he apparently is dating a second year cheerleader for the Broncos. I thought that was a no-no. Juicy stuff!

Since it was posted on MSNBC, the signatures are adding up at about 10 or more a minute. The comments on the petition are priceless.

Furry Jake the Snake leads thank-you drive at his charity bash October 12, 2005 Jake the Snake looked more like Jake the Grizzly Bear on Monday night because he was sporting a scraggly beard at the second annual Jake Plummer Foundation fundraiser. Plummer had new girlfriend and part-time model Kolette Klausen on his arm and his mom, Marilyn, by his side. He thanked the enthusiastic crowd at Morton's in the Tech Center for supporting his foundation, which has helped fund Alzheimer's research, child abuse prevention and Hurricane Katrina relief.

rockymountainnews