Who is more stoned in this photo?

gossiprocks

Crazy Rhonetta Johnson on American Idol

Via dlisted

Rocky Should Fight This Guy

This is one big dude. He looks lie Sasquatch. This would make another Rocky movie a little more entertaining to watch. The guy he was fighting must have crapped himself.

Valuev himself strode into the gym recently during his triumphant return to Russia after the title bout, in which he defeated American John Ruiz on a controversial decision in Berlin to become the tallest (7 feet) and heaviest (323 pounds) world champion in history. He's so big he usually steps into the ring over the top rope … so big that the adolescent pugilists at the Stepashkin Club would have barely been able to land a hook as high as his belly, if they had the nerve to try. More.

Brokeback Maverick

Hilarious! Dlisted

Kenny Chesney is not Gay!

Well, now, the jig is up for Kenny, thanks to Paula Jackson. The Southwest Airlines flight attendant, age 47, announced to a plane load of people last week that she had been Chesney’s lover for 10 years before he met and married Zellweger.

“I taught him everything he knows,” the charming Jackson told her passengers, one of whom was yours truly. “Renee should have called me, I would have told her, there’s no way he should be married.” more.

Well, there you have it! That will put all those nasty rumors to rest. He is most definitely NOT sleeping with Peyton Manning, that's for sure. Phew! I'm glad this was all cleared up! It's even more set in stone because she "taught him everything he knows." Ugh, you mean about being with a woman. This is getting even more confusing.

Bits and Pieces

• Pissing on rock stars is the new black!
• Warning!!! May cause nausea. Click here for the complete list of movie sequels and remakes.
• This guy is a total dumbass! Oh, and most likely unemployed.
• This ought to piss Cameron Diaz off. Everything else does.
• Those Congo soccer fans are crazy!

Kiefer's Downward Spiral...Again

My man must be looking for new material for the next time he goes on Letterman. Last month there was the Christmas tree incident, and now this. Come on Kiefer, your making it harder and harder for me to have this insane, mad crush on you. Jack Bauer will have to save Kiefer from himself in season six.

“24” STAR Kiefer Sutherland shocked staffers at the Ye Rustic Inn in Los Feliz, Calif., the other morning when he bellied up to the bar around 9 a.m. demanding to start a tab, reports Steppin’ Out magazine. Editor Chaunce Hayden says the normally thick-waisted Sutherland looked “rail-thin” when he entered the tiny dive bar with a group of rowdy pals and ordered a round of drinks.

According to witnesses, when presented with the bill, Sutherland claimed his wallet was “indisposed” - “It’s been stolen! I promise I’ll come back and pay.”

At that point, things got weird. “He started to go into a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor while the bartender, waitress and several customers looked on,” Hayden reports. Thankfully, a star-struck fan agreed to buy him several J&B’s on the rocks. After devouring a plate of chicken wings and littering the floor with bones, the star left without tipping. Sutherland, it turns out, was winding down from a very long night at the Drawing Room across the street. A rep for Sutherland did not respond to a call for comment.

Defamer via Dlisted

Is this cheating?

Brad and Angelina Looking Like A Couple

They are finally acting like a couple. And, do I say *gasp* holding hands of all things. They look really happy.

And, a picture of the bump including one of many of Angelina's tatoos.

gossiprocks

Richard Simmons on "Who's line is it anyways?"

This is my favorite video. It is just hysterical!

R.I.P. Chris Penn

LOS ANGELES -- Actor Chris Penn, brother of Sean Penn, was found dead Tuesday at a condominium near the beach in Santa Monica, police said.

Police said they discovered the 40-year-old actor's body around 4 p.m. Lt. Frank Fabrega said there were no obvious signs of foul play.
msn

It was very sad to hear about this today. I have always loved his acting. My favorite movie of all time is "True Romance" and he was great in that.

Find Your "Soul Mate"

The newest dating trend is to host or attend "eye gazing" parties in order to find your soul mate. You begin with a quick introduction and then you stare at someone else's eyes for three minutes. And, whammo...if your lucky, you find your true love.

Now, I don't really believe in this whole notion. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't believe in love at first site either. I'm also pretty sure that when you finally have sparks fly and get romantically involved with the man of your dreams, after knowing him for years and years, having everything in common...you're pretty much fucked. It seems so right at the time and the whole world is filled with puppies and unicorns and all that lovey-dovey stuff. Ah, what a feeling!

But, just when you think think you've found "Mr. Right", it's all total bullshit...especially if the damn Broncos lost the AFC Championship game and alcohol was involved on that particular day. Somehow, that nullifies all the events of the previous day as if they had never happened. Kind of like the way Superman can turn back time by flying around the earth and erase events and change outcomes. It's some kind of ridiculous, scientific bullshit or an unstated law or something. That much I can tell you is true.

Anyway, back to the eye gazing thing. Personally, I am not going to stare into anyone's eyes thinking that I could possibly find my soul mate. I know my luck. The asshole would be jobless, still living with mom, and driving a rusted-out '76 Gremlin. Lucky me.

The morals of the story are:
1. Superman, Mr. Right, and your "soul mate" hang out with Santa and the Easter bunny.
2. Don't try this "eye -gazing" thing with beer goggles on.
3. Congratulations to the Pitsburgh Steelers.

More about 'eye-gazing here and here.

Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly are rumored to be engaged

Two stars from Lost may have found everlasting love.

The buzz is that Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly are reportedly engaged. According to ContactMusic.com, Dom popped the question to Evie on the Hawaii set of their series last week. Her answer? "Yes, yes, yes!"

dailyblabber.

Kevin Federline is a Tool

I love the way he mastered that ONE button on the mixing board. I wonder how many total tracks are on the album other than this...PopoZao? I can hardly wait for the rest. Too bad I poked my eardrum out with a fork after 40 seconds of this.

Via Fark.

Joke of the Day

Ironically this photo is titled "The Fall of Man"

(c. 1570) Titian (c. 1480-1576) Canvas, 240x186 cm.

Prado Museum, Madrid.

Women

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Sundance Starts

The stars flock to Utah for the Sundance Film Festival. I have to admit this would be quite a party to take in someday. The opening movie was "Friends with Money", starring, Joan Cusack, Jennifer Aniston, and Catherine Keener.

Watch the trailer.

Eminem Marries...Again

Eminem tied the knot for the second time to his high school sweetheart that he sang about killing. Awww...wedded bliss. For some reason though she looks like a 40 year old tranny and he looks like a twelve year old school boy. Just sayin'.

Apparently Eminems grandma is not very pleased with this union.

She fumes, "Boy, has he made a big mistake. No pre-nup or nothing."

"She'll take everything and leave. Kim is a nasty, mean woman."

"We've never been anything but nice to her but she's turned Marshall against us. I think she's very controlling."

contactmusic

Southern Fried Rabbit (Uncensored)

The 1953 short in which Bugs discovers Yosemite Sam blown to smithereens by his own ill-tended to meth lab. Well, you explain Yosemite Sam without bathtub crank. Actually Friz Freleng’s Southern Fried Rabbit is now aired only edited for fear that it might warp the tender children of today because Bugs disguises himself as both Jim Crow and Uncle Tom to mess with Yosemite Sam’s head. That the Loony Toons gang were goofing on shitty racial stereotypes instead of perpetuating them is evidently something Warner Brothers is afraid the kids of today are too dim to catch.

screenhead.

Bring on Sunday!!!

That is all.

Tony Danza Sexiest Grandparent?

NEW YORK (AP) - Tony Danza is sexier than Harrison Ford. Sexier than Paul Newman and sexier than Pierce Brosnan. In fact, Grand magazine has declared Danza the Sexiest Celebrity Grandparent of 2006.

Editorial director Christine Crosby says Danza "epitomizes today's passionate, funny, devoted grandparent, and he's cute, too."

Ford, Newman and Brosnan were among the runners up, along with Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn, Whoopi Goldberg and Priscilla Presley.
9news

Who voted on this? And, for Pete's sake!!!! Kiefer dammit!

Star Jones Gets Political

Star Jones needs to drink a big, tall glass of STFU in regards to pretty much any topic I can think of. I'm completely out of the loop when it comes to politics apparently. I was convinced that Star Jones was a @#$%& terrorist. Still am actually.

STAR JONES: TERROR WAR BATTLE OF BUSH, BIN LADEN EGOS
Fri Jan 20 2006
09:38:00 ET

Star Jones has told viewers that the war on terror is nothing more than a clash of male egos between President Bush and Osama bin Laden, the NEW YORK POST reports.

Yesterday, the co-host of ABC's THE VIEW told viewers during a discussion of bin Laden's latest audio tape:

"You know what? At some point, one of these men has to put it back in his pants and zip up the zipper."

She even suggested that Bush hold some kind of talk with the man behind 9/11.

"I won't trust him, but anything that gives me the opportunity to seek peace, I would at least check it out.

"People make deals with the devil all the time. We make deals with people we don't like," she said.

"You don't negotiate with terrorists," said Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the show's youngest host.

"You don't negotiate," Jones interrupted, "but I do think you figure out when there is a solution that's diplomatic that doesn't result in [loss of] human life.

"What do we have to lose to check it out?" Star said.

"You know what?" she then added, "At some point, one of these men has to put it back in his pants and zip up the zipper at some point."

"This isn't somebody whipping it out," shot co-host Meredith Vieira.

"You know what, I'm a little tired of posturing back and forth," Jones replied.

Story Drudge. Photo Galleryoftheabsurd.

I'm Back!!!

It's been a bit longer than I intended. Now, I am back for more fun and useless crap.

Is Angelina Pregnant?

Angelina Jolie Pregnancy Frightens Brad Pitt
By Jennifer CoxJan 5, 2006

Is anyone really certain if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby? P-I reporter J.D. Marshall says E! Online's Ted Casablanca has the skinny.

The dirt, Angie should be getting more plump with a bump. And the 'Jesse James' star reportedly is frightened to give the information to Jen-ex.

Ted Casablanca, gossipsnitch of E! Online, reports that there is no doubt that Angelina Jolie is indeed with love-child via Brad Pitt. But any public confirm of the Lipsmacker's pregnancy is stalled, awaiting Mr. Brad's revelation of said tummy state to ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. "He's scared," a Bradfriend tattles.

Well, ain't it about time to fess up and face the baby lullaby.
nationalledger Photos from jjb.

It looks to me like she is hiding a bump. Every photo of her lately has her holding something in front of her tummy. In the photo with Zahara, she definitely looks pregnant.

Obsolete Tara

galleryoftheabsurd

Star Jones is out of her mind!

Warning:
The following post may cause diarrhea, vomiting, and psychological trauma.

Good grief I've heard it all now. Star Jones is going to be giving people relationship and sex advice. That would be like taking sobriety lessons from Pete Dougherty. She gets into all the lovey-dovey details about her and Big Gay Al's love life. Here's a little snippet about when they first met:

At a party on Nov. 13, 2003, a man took my arm and said, "You're not just going to pass me by." This man with skin the color of cooked butter, the most beautiful lips and the deepest brown eyes on the planet continued, "I saw you once at a party five years ago and was too hesitant to approach you, but I'm braver this time." I was charmed out of my wits. I looked into those chocolate eyes, and I literally heard a bell ring...just like my mother said it would.

That was not a bell, Star. It was your gaydar beeping out of control. Dumbass!

However, things are heating up for Miss Jones Reynolds, who starting Monday is also going to be the new "love coach" for AOL, where she will dispense advice about a range of sexy subject matter that contributes to her shining lifestyle.

"I'm not an advice columnist. I'm not a diet specialist," she says. "I'm pretty good at love and romance because my husband and I have that down to a science, which is probably why I'm the new AOL love coach. Isn't that hot?"

Um. No

She's online for workshops on how to shine in the bedroom. "It's not about me, me, me, me, me. It's not about Star puts her right leg over her left shoulder and that's what makes her sexy," she says. "It might be kind of hot, but it wouldn't make me sexy."

WTF? Did she really just say her "right leg over her left shoulder". The thought of getting bedroom advice from her makes me want to wretch. Not to mention the visual I am having which is completely wrong on so many levels.

More of this crap here and here. Oh, and she's on 20/20 tonight if you want more.

The Milkshake Dance

A preview from "Date Movie". This looks really funny. I especially liked "Jello" the wedding planner.

RIP Lou Rawls

LOS ANGELES - Lou Rawls, the velvet-voiced singer who started as a church choir boy and went on to sell more than 40 million albums and win three Grammy Awards in a career that spanned nearly five decades and a range of genres, has died, his publicist said. He was 72.

Rawls died early Friday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where he was hospitalized last month for treatment of lung and brain cancer, his publicist Paul Shefrin said. His wife Nina was at his bedside when he died, Shefrin said. The family and Shefrin said Rawls was 72, although other records indicate he was
70.
msnbc

Is wedding off for Cruise and Holmes?

Hold off on buying that first edition of "Dianetics" as a wedding present for Tom Cruise and his pregnant fiancée, Katie Holmes.

The buzz is that the engagement of the happy couple has hit a few bumps and, after reportedly tense holidays spent at Holmes’ house, wedding plans may have been put on hold.

With a new year beginning, Cruise “decided to take the opportunity to mend fences with the family of his fiancée, Katie Holmes,” according to the upcoming issue of Life & Style Weekly. It didn’t go so well.

Well, color me surprised. If I was her parents I would have locked her in her room until she was 80. I Being the beard to this fruitcake is just plain nuts. Now, she will forever be connected to him due to the little turkey baster incident.

There are so many things that crack me up about this illustration...I wouldn't even know where to start. It's perfect.

Story from msnbc. Illustration from Todd Umbarger here.

Congrats Longhorns!!!

That game was awesome! The best I've ever seen. I was pretty sure that I was going to have a heart attack towards the end of the game, but I had another beer and made it through.

Vince Young is a class act! He had so much poise. I actually wanted some of what he was on to calm me down near the end of the game.

Whiny baby didn't really understand what losing meant.

"I think we were the better football team, but they just made the big plays." -Matt Leinart

Hook 'em Horns!!!!!!

Gotta Love it!

Kiefer, Kiefer, Kiefer

20-FLOORED AND IF YOU THINK YOU MADE A FOOL OF YOURSELF LAST NIGHT...

Movie heart-throb Kiefer, 39, who stars in the hit thriller series 24, was laid flat-out on his back on the floor of a hotel lobby after a marathon booze bender with pals.

Moments earlier Sunday Mirror reporters watched in amazement as he charged into a 12ft Christmas tree, sending it crashing to the floor. The party was finally called off at 5.30am by hotel security - when guests starting arriving for BREAKFAST.

Filled with a little too much festive spirit, Kiefer pulled Emily towards him to show off his latest tattoo - a string of mystic symbols on the inside of his forearm.

"Sit down and take a look," he slurred. "It says 'I trust you to kill me'. It's the name of Rocco's new album. To me that also means 'F**k you' - there's a lot of disrespect bound up in it."

At 2am bar staff refused to serve any more alcohol. Undaunted, Kiefer persuaded management to let them loose in the lobby.

He ordered yet more booze on room service, then staggered around the entrance hall, entertaining pals with a bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine.

It was then that a huge Christmas tree caught his eye.

"I hate that f***ing Christmas tree," he declared. "The tree HAS to come down."

Kiefer warned staff: "I'm smashing it - can I pay for it?"

A staff member replied: "I'm absolutely sure you can, sir."

Still up for some banter, he lurched up to Australian-born reporter Michael Duffy, shaking him violently by the hand.

He repeatedly addressed him as "You f***ing Aussie c**t". He kissed Michael's close-shaven head before grabbing Emily's hand and stroking her shoulder.

"Oh don't go, don't go," begged Kiefer, now single after splitting from his long-term lover, artist Catherine Bisson, last year. "I've got a crush on you."

When she declined his advances, he stumbled along the halls of the hotel's eighth floor - before eventually finding the door that fitted his key and calling it a night. mirror via superficial.

Oh brother. You can read the entire article here. I just included a few excerpts. Actually, I would have given anything to see Kiefer get all "Jack Bauerish" on a twelve foot Christmas tree. And, for the "bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine," forget about it. Please tell me photos will soon appear from this little fiasco. At least he's still polite when he's shitfaced. Most people don't offer to pay for something their destroying before they do it. Gotta love ya Kiefer!

Photo from kieferrocks.

Hook'em Horns!!!

University Of Texas alum MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY and former University Of Southern California student WILL FERRELL will fight it out during a US TV ad which will air before the two American football teams meet in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California later today (04JAN05).
contactmusic Photos via JJB.

Go Texas!

Vegas Baby...Vegas

For an unconfirmed couple, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn sure get around. According to a report from The Las Vegas Review Journal, the pair slipped out of their California hotel hideaway long enough for a ‘Sin City’ trip to Las Vegas.

According to a report in the Las The couple was apparently in Sin City to celebrate 2006, and according to the Review Journal, they rang in the New Year at Mandalay Bay's Forty Deuce. Reports also say Jen actually took the stage at the notorious burlesque bar Sunday, performing a special dance for Vince.

Nationalledger

Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen call it quits

Lawyers for both sides filed legal papers today, asking that the case be handled in private arbitration.

Lawyers for both sides filed legal papers today. More

A Little More Cowbell

Some much needed humor. Always a classic! Watch the video here.

Star and Big Gay Al go to the beach

I don't even know where to begin with this picture. For starters, I think it should be illegal for Star to be giving it to Big Gay Al in public like that. We all know what Big Gay Al likes...but, do we have to see it? Bleh!

After viewing this photo...I may be able to achieve my New Years, weight loss, resolution after all. I lost most of my lunch.

gossiprocks

Nicole's New Years Resolution?

Nicole Ritchie has officially morphed into a 4 year old boy. Not a very good look. I think she is the only "woman" to ever have the problem of her bathing suit being too "baggy". Good grief girl...eat something. She somehow manages to fall out of her bikini top too. It must be because there's nothing to hold the top in place. I sure hope her New Years resolution is to fit into this bathing suit.

At least she hasn't been entered into the celebrity dead pool yet. Soon though.

gossiprocks