Friday, August 26, 2005

Much Ado About Nothing

I have used a few famous phrases from Shakespeare to inform you of the following news:

In my mind's eye (Hamlet), I am literally puking (As You Like It) at the laughable (The Merchant of Venice) Jessica Simpson. This woman has proclaimed that she wants to be a serious actress and do Shakespeare at the Globe in London. Unbelievable. The bitch does a horrible 70's TV show-movie-remake and now she thinks she's Sir Anthony Hopkins for God's sake.

The only way the rest of us could possibly endure this, is if they were to drug (Macbeth; first use as a verb) everyone in the audience. Actually, seeing Jessica Simpson doing Shakespeare on drugs might be fun.

She is definitely living in a Fool's paradise (Romeo and Juliet), For goodness' sake (Henry VIII), if she truly believes this will ever happen. It's my Foregone conclusion (Othello) that she is, quite literally, the dumbest woman...ever. Link

Also, Jessica has made it very clear that she did not get famous riding Homer Simpson's coattail. Brainsnap

And, in related news, Jessica wants to put the kabbash on the rumor that she has an eating disorder like everyone else in Hollywood.

She says, "I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas.

"Are there people from Texas who are anorexic? I've never heard of one and that includes me." contactmusic

Okay Jessica. Even though Texas is the biggest state in the country we will just have to take your word for it. Especially since you have never heard of one. There must not be any anorexics in the entire state of Texas.

Thanks, for clearing that up so that people aren't thinking you got so skinny because of an eating disorder.

Hey, want to talk about your coke problem?


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