Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My Little Toothy Tile

We all know it's true by now and my heart is heavy. However, Jakey G., do not under any circumstances, take any advice from Ted Casablanca and his Blind Item from today. For the love God. Come right out of the closet....that's fine. Do not get involved with Petunia Pickle-Pop!

For those not familiar with Ted's Blind Items...especially "Toothy Tile", you can get caught up here.

Basically, we all have figured out that "Toothy Tile" is in fact Jake Gyllenhaal and "Petunia Pickle-Pop" is that Paris Hilton skank. Ugh! Thank goodness Jake would never do anything that stupid.

Eonline's, Ted Casablanca's "Awful Truth," 11/15/05:

Two To-the-Limit Blind Vices

Toothy Tile and Petunia Pickle-Pop really should start dating. I mean, it would be a fake get-together, but how many real ones are left in this town? Like Jude Law and Sienna Miller are going to last. Like they got back together because they just feel so right for each other, in the end--current flicks to sell be damned!

So, Toothy and Petunia are pushing the upchuck-and-saliva-covered envelope like you would not believe. Or maybe you would?

Ladies first. Movie-stah Toothy--who's been playing with whether or not to come out the closet for so long now, readers think I'm just makin' this sitch up (I'm not)--recently did a chat show for his latest pic, Casablanca Cuckold. You'll never guess what a network worker bee caught him doing in the privacy of his dressing room before taping...

No, not fornicating (you dirty busybodies), just tonguing his b-f, that's all. And this little love licking spread through the studio faster than a pink-slip distribution list at ABC!

Causing far fewer but much more horrified mouths to gasp at an L.A. recording studio was Petunia's smelly wake. After barging into the classy operation with her screeching wheels, P2 headed straight for the bathroom, which had been oh so thoughtfully set up with scented candles and tasteful towels and such.

After 15 minutes of locking herself in the loo, Petunia emerged, leaving the bathroom looking like something out of Martha Stewart's nightmares. And guess what was left smack in the middle of the restroom--with one tiny towel placed in the middle?

It was a reeking, warm pile of human discard. Puke. All over the floor.

Jeez, whose wake is stinkier these days, drugged-out Pet's or duded-out Tooth's?

And it's not:Chad Michael Murray/Hilary Duff, Wentworth Miller/Ashlee Simpson, Will Smith/Kimberly Stewart



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