Please Go Away Mariah

Dear Miss Carey,

Please go away. The very sight of you literally makes me want to puke up my spleen. You just had to make that comeback so that we would be forced to see you every day from now until the Grammy's. Thanks a lot.

First, you decide to make yourself look like such a charitable, caring person when you were photographed with a homeless guy. The very same homeless guy that did not want his picture taken with you. You also didn't even hand the guy ten bucks for a bottle of cheap brandy. Bitch.

Second, you have a great voice but you really should stick to singing. No one wants to hear you speak about anything. Especially, when you read Peter Pan to the kids, all the while pretending to know how to read. I don't think that you talk about anything other than yourself. In fact, I'm pretty sure you don't. When you do open your mouth, you say the stupidest crap like, "Butterflies are always following me, everywhere I go." Awww, that's really special. Does your little world consist of puppy dogs and unicorns? No wonder why you feel at home talking about Never, Never Land with the kids. Idiot.

Third of all, now you can't even drink for yourself? Does someone feed you and clean up after you when you use the...uh, restroom? By the look on this woman's face, I am guessing she is seriously considering the idea of stabbing you in the jugular vein with that straw. She literally looks like she would rather be standing at the Gates of Hell than to be doing whatever the hell her job is for you.

In conclusion, please consider me for the job opening left vacant by the woman seen in the following photos.

Sincerely,
Evie

Photos from jjb.