Tomkat is Breeding!

It took me a little while to get around to writing about this nonsense. I was too busy buying up lots of garlic and crucifixes for the walls and preparing for the arrival of the Apocolapse. Oh, and I was drinking alot too.

Anyway, Kate Holmes is supposibly pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby. That is just so amazing. Lovely and amazing.

First of all, for the devout Catholic that she is, a baby conceived out of wedlock is a no-no. Then there's the whole conception thing itself. How does a self-proclaimed virgin before marriage get herself impregnated by a sterile, fruitcake like Tom Cruise? This just defies all logic and the laws of science to me. Immaculate conception? Turkey basters? Rosemary's bay stuff? Xenu Scientology whacko's? Somehow Michael Jackson has to be involved in this. What gives?

This has to be the most ridiculous PR crap I have ever seen in my life. Well, actually only second to the public display they forced down our throats when they first started living out their contract...I mean dating. Was Katie's new best friend/minder there in the room during the conception too? That's disgusting!

Just when you think she can't do anything stupider in her submissive lifestyle with Tommy boy...she goes and fires her Publicist of eight years and hires Tom's clueless sister. Brilliant. I wonder just how much of that decision was made by Katie. Hope you enjoyed what little career you had before meeting up with Tom, Katie. Kate. Whatever.

The very next day...tada...Tomkat announces they are pregnant. How convenient.

I'd like to be rich too. But, a couple million bucks for living a lie with Tommy and then going and spawning someone's demon seed for him is insane! If you really are pregnant. You've abandoned your friends, any kind of sexual and loving relationship with a man, your publicist, manager, good movie roles, etc.

As for Holmes' friends here in New York, the word is that not one of them has heard from the actress since she flew to L.A. to meet Cruise for the first time last April.

Since Holmes first became associated with Cruise, her career has come to a standstill. Pretty much the only project she has coming up is the DVD release of "Batman Begins."

Now, it has been reported that she will have a "silent birth". Yep, another Scientology crackpot thing. The woman can't have any pain meds or groan or scream or anything for at least seven days during and after the birth. Talk about selling your soul to the devil? That will be impossible.

Scientologists believe that the woman screaming during childbirth could cause some kind of trauma down the road for the infant. WTF? Women scream like bloody hell during childbirth.

Katie Holmes' mission impossible will be giving birth without painkillers - or screaming. That's because her fiancé, "Mission Impossible" star Tom Cruise, is a Scientologist.

Practitioners of Scientology are against drugs but insist on "silent birth" because they believe it's traumatic for babies to hear their mothers groan or cry.

"Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go," church founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his best-selling "Dianetics."

If that is really true, how in the hell are they going to explain to the child later in life that all the kids problems aren't because Kate was screaming in the delivery room...but it was Tom! That man will be screaming like a bitch in heat after he sees a vagina for the first time.

By the way, what's the Church of Scientology's views on smelling salts?

On a sidenote, Blogger's spell check suggested that I replace fruitcake with britches. That has to be some kind of sign. I know Tom wants into a bunch of guys britches, but I didn't think I needed to spell it out though. Good grief.

msnbc and nydaily